Understanding Anger
We all understand what anger is and have experienced it, whether as a passing annoyance or full-fledged rage. Anger is a completely normal and, in most cases, healthy human emotion. But it’s important to deal with it in a positive way. Uncontrolled rage can have a negative impact on your physical health, your relationships and the overall quality of your life.
Constantly operating at high levels of stress and anger increases your risk of heart disease, diabetes, a weakened immune system, insomnia, and high blood pressure.
Anger can leave long-lasting scars on the people you care about the most, as well as end friendships and relationships. It’s also easy to get angry when someone else is dealing in an angry way with you.
When neither party can maintain their cool, disagreements can spiral out of control. It also broadens the scope of the disagreement beyond what it was originally about. In situations like this the argument continues to escalate until you are shouting at each other or have decided just to ignore each other.
What is Anger Management? Click To TweetAnger management aims to reduce both your emotional feelings and the physiological arousal caused by anger. You can’t get rid of, avoid, or change the things that irritate you, but you can learn to control your reactions.
Therefore before anger escalates, you can use specific strategies for controlling anger.
Here are 12 ways to help you control your anger:
1. Counting Method
Start counting up to ten, or start at 100 and go up to 130 if you’re really enraged (you may extend even further depending on the magnitude of your anger). Your heart rate will slow and your anger will likely subside in the time it takes you to count.
2. Stretch
Nonstrenuous yoga-like movements such as neck rolls and shoulder rolls can help you control your body and harness your emotions.
3. Be Aware of Your Anger Warning Signs
While you might feel that you suddenly explode in a rage without warning, there are in fact physical warning signs that your body sends you before your blood begins to boil. Becoming aware of your own personal signs allows you to take action to manage your anger before it spirals out of control.
Some warning signs look like this:
- Breathing faster
- Clenching your hands
- Tightening of Jaw
- Feeling flushed (your face goes red because you are hot! )
- The urge to walk fast or in strides
4. The Power of Visualization
The best part about the human brain is its power of imagination, which no other organism on the planet possesses. Use it to control your anger. Here’s how:
Slip into a quiet room, close your eyes, and imagine yourself in a relaxing scene. Concentrate on the details of the imaginary scene: What’s the sound of the waterfall-like? What colour is the water? What is the height of the mountains? What does the sound of chirping birds sound like? How green is the forest? This practice can help you find peace in the midst of your anger.
5. Identify Your Triggers
Understanding how stressful events affect you can help you take control of your environment and avoid unnecessary anger. Examine your daily routine and try to identify activities, times of day, people, places, or situations that make you irritable or angry.
- Maybe you get fed up with the traffic on your daily commute.
- Maybe once you come home from the office and you have to do a particular household chore you get annoyed.
- Maybe the tantrums of your child irritate you once you reach home from work.
Once you’ve identified your triggers, consider ways to reschedule them or view situations in a different light so they don’t make you angry.
6. Cognitive Restructuring
This simply means altering your way of thinking. People who are angry tend to curse, swear, or use highly colourful language that reflects their inner thoughts. When you’re angry, your thoughts can become exaggerated and dramatic. Replace these irrational thoughts with more rational ones.
Here are some categorized negative words which you might need to change:
- Overgeneralizing Words: For example, “You ALWAYS interrupt me. You NEVER consider my needs. I NEVER get the credit I deserve. ” Overgeneralizing words often discount the good things that your partner or whoever is the other person has said about you and this makes them feel dejected. Avoid using words like “always” and “never” in your statements.
- Blaming Words: Avoid statements like “You did it!”, “It’s you who do not do your work”, “It’s you who always come late,” etc. The word “you”, when attached to a negative emotion, can trigger the other person’s defence mechanism, which can result in a heated altercation or what we commonly call a “blame game”. Try to avoid using this word to the best of your ability when you want to address an issue with your partner.
Make the relationship your priority: Maintaining and strengthening the relationship, rather than “winning” the argument, should always be your first priority. Respect the other person and their point of view. Remember you and your partner are playing for the same team and not opponent teams. Only your effective team game strategy can help you flourish.
Watch How to Reduce Blame Game considerably in your Love Relationship by using the When What and How Principle. Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sCpkyPZFajE
7. Jumping to Conclusions/Mind-Reading
Stop assuming you “know” what another person is thinking or feeling. Stop thinking that they have made you upset, ignored your wishes, or disrespected you on purpose. Quit mind reading and try to find out the fact. You will be surprised that 9 out of 10 times the fact is otherwise.
8. Write/E-mail a Letter
Write a letter or an email to the person who has made you angry without actually sending it to him/her. Then delete it or dispose of it. Write down whatever you wanted to say to the person, during your fit of rage. This will help you vent your anger. Often, simply expressing your emotions in some way is all that is required, even if it is in something that will never be seen.
9. Practice Empathy
Put yourself in the shoes of the other person and consider the situation from their point of view. You may gain a new understanding and become less angry if you see the story or relive the events as they saw them.
10. Use Humor to Relieve Tension
When things get tense, humour and playfulness can help you lighten the mood, smooth over differences, reframe problems, and keep things in perspective.
Dispel your rage by finding ways to laugh, whether it’s through playing with your children, watching stand-up comedy, cartoons or scrolling through funny youtube videos.
11. Express Your Concerns Once You’re Calm
If your anger spirals out of control, step away from the situation for a few minutes or as long as it takes you to calm down.
As soon as you’re thinking clearly, express your frustration in an assertive but non-confrontational way. Express your concerns and needs clearly and directly, without hurting others or trying to control them.
12. Using your senses
“Change your State…Change Your Story”
Tony Robbins
Change your emotional state by utilizing the senses of looking, hearing, smelling, and tasting.
- Keep a picture of a peaceful landscape, a happy family photo, or anything that calms you.
- Put in your earbuds or turn up your favourite music and hum your way out of your rage.
- You can use scented candles, perfumes, and essential oils to keep yourself calm.
- Munching on a few pieces of your favourite candy can also do the trick of changing your emotional state.
Anger is a natural emotion that everyone goes through from time to time. But if you find your anger often taking the form of outbursts or aggression, then you can approach a specialist or therapist for better results.
Wish you all the best!
Write in the comment section if this post was helpful to you. Also, mention what topics/issues on life management would you like us to write about. We’ll try to offer strategies to the best of our knowledge.